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The time seems to zip past evenmore quicklywhen you have committed yourself to writing a monthly newsletter - I seem no sooner to have posted one to the site than my computer is nagging me to do the next one. Computers are wonderful nags, aren't they? Endlessly patient, and quite impervious to being sworn at.

I've just had this one upgraded, so now it does everything a great deal faster than it did before. So far, the most useful aspect of this is when Windows freezes up and there's nothing you can do but switch off at the back and start it up again. The scandisk thing it does when it comes back on (irritatingly telling you that if you don't want this to happen, you should close down properly, as though you had a choice in the matter) is completed in about thirty seconds as opposed to at least five minutes. Still - I'm sure I'll find more positive uses for all this speed eventually.

What else? Oh, yes - I was messing about with the Paint program (I've had this computer for three years - that's how long it takes me to start experimenting with things other than Word), and did a computer-assisted Reg design, which I turned into wallpaper. I tiled it, so I have eight little Reges (is that the plural? I've never thought about it before) on my desktop. Brave, or what? Anyway, I thought that other people might like it, so here he is. I'd like to say that I chose to put him in a different attitude from the usual one, but the truth is that I can't quite get the hang of using the Paint program, and that's just the way he ended up. I thought he looked quite cute, though. There's two of him because it works better like that.

I've been looking through my box of poems again, and I found some written as the result of a game occasionally played by my family (not large, but to make up for that shortcoming, very eccentric). It was invented by Susan Coolidge who wrote the 'Katy' books - at least, I think that's where we got it from. It's played by any number of people, each of whom have a blank sheet of paper on which they write a word. They then fold it over and pass it to the next person, who writes a question, folds it over, and passes it to the next person. Everyone now has a piece of paper with a word and question on it, and has to write a poem using the word and answering the question. Time is up when the other players start yelling at you.

Here are three daft verses arrived at this way - one from me and one from each of my sisters.

Word: Boredom
Question: What is a perfect number?
Poet: Jill

Some say a perfect number's two
That three just makes a crowd
The perfect number could be one
Standing alone and proud
But boredom might set in with that
You couldn't match and mix
What is a perfect number?
Four hundred and ninety-six.

Word: Fantastic
Question: How now, brown cow?
Poet: Una

I think I'll jump yon five-barred gate-
An exercise gymnastic
I'm really feeling quite first-rate;
My milk yield is fantastic!

Word: Martini
Question: Why can't you behave?
Poet: Patti

One Martini before
(you are a bore)
And one in the interlude
I've been the soul of rectitude
(and you've had four!)
I can't believe you ask me this
I sincerely hope you're taking the proverbial.

We haven't played that game for years - too many other things to distract us, I suppose, but it's good fun. And, if you're wondering, 496 is indeed a perfect number (a number equal to the sum of its divisors) - I checked it out, and it's the third perfect number after 6 and 28. I must have known that at the time for some reason, because it isn't the sort of thing I carry about in my head, I do assure you. The next one is 8128, apparently, and after that the numbers are enormous, and the book I was looking up becomes incomprehensible.

I still haven't got the photographs I half-promised you, but you'll be glad to hear that Frankie (my cat) has his identity disc back. He has temporarily given up his beanbag for a very small box that got left lying around after its contents were unpacked (not an unheard-of occurrence). It measures 10½ inches by 8½ inches by 4 inches, and he curls up in it so completely that you could close the flaps and post him. I did take a photograph of him in it - if it's any good, I'll let you see it. And that's another half-promise.

Have you looked at this month's competition? It's all about January this time - you don't have to look for the answers on the website! And it's easy. Really easy. Have a go.

That's about it - I won't bore you with my New Year resolutions, because I won't keep them anyway. If by the year 2003 I have become an altogether better, healthier, richer, kinder, more organised, non-smoking person, I'll let you know.

See you next month,

Love,
Jill